It is strange how one looses friendships over honesty!!
I went to visit a friend one day, well we met up for coffee in a little coffee shop in Blackheath. She was my ex-employer and we were good friends.
The conversation started with how are you doing these days and what has been happening in your life. So I told her how I am doing and what has been happening in my life. Much to her surprise and amazement she was a bit shocked about the revelation that I was HIV+!!Well that just killed the conversation and also the friendship.
People are so close minded and are so scared off people with HIV. They are scared of so many things and that they may catch the disease. How uninformed the masses are out there. Like Tanya use to say "it is a disease / virus, call it what you want, it is what you have not who you are". How can people be so stupid and small minded.
I lost a couple of friends because I was honest about my health and my state of mind.
Needless to say I have gain alot of new friends who have been supportive all the way and I rather cherise those friendships than go looking for old friends who have decided to write me off because of what I had.
Don't live with regret. Live with love and compassion to those who are uninformed and hope to God that they will come around eventually and realise the error of their ways. And the best part of it is they call themselves Christians. How glad am I that I have decided to denounce christianity and live my life as a Pagan, who lives close to mother earth and all her guardians. I am much better off living the life I am living now than when I called myself a christian.
Thursday 21 April 2011
Wednesday 20 April 2011
What this has taught ME!!
A couple of weeks ago I have come to the realisation that there was a reason that I had to live with the knowledge that I was diagnosed as HIV+ for 8 years.
Since I did my test in February 2011 and my GP Dr Marais has informed me that I am not positive and that there is no trace of the virus a whole new world has opened up to me. Everything I feared in the last 8 years of my life has fallen away and so many opportunities has presented themselves to me and I am taking it with both hands (no I am not running with it) I am carrying it very carefully and nurturing it to see what is going to come from it.
Thus far, I have decided to do two tattoos before my 40th birthday which by the way is 3 months away, whereafter the next step has reared its head out of the blue. I am starting my own business and are super excited to do this. With the support of my lovely wife and family I look forward what this challenge is going to bring.
So you are asking yourself what do I mean what has this experience taught me? Well let me tell you!! It has taught me the following things:-
1. To be humble;
2. To look forward to each and everyday;
3. To have no regrets;
4. To live life as if today will be my last day on this beautiful planet of ours;
5. To be grateful for my new lease on life;
6. To be more centered with my ownself;
7. To take nothing for granted;
8. To grab hold of every opportunity that comes my way;
9. To tell the people that are in my life how grateful I am that they are in my life;
10. To tell my loved ones everyday that I love them, does not matter what they have or what I might think they have done to me;
11. To be compassionate with those that I know who are HIV+ and does not look forward to each and everyday as their day is just another day to stay alive.
12. To not go back in the past and try and understand why this has happened to me;
13. To forget and forgive those who has made a mistake;
14. To never bear a grudge against anybody;
Yes the list is endless but these are the ones I can think of now.
It is interesting because I see living my life with new eyes and with a new passion to make a success of my life and to provide for the one that I love with my whole heart.
Honeybun, you mean the world to me and without your love and support the last three years that we have been together I would have never been able to be so positive about our life together. You are my true love and I will love you forever.
To Rick, Brenda and Dr Leslie Pleass, thank you for your constant support and chiropractic care. You all are blessed with talent that no one can describe.
Since I did my test in February 2011 and my GP Dr Marais has informed me that I am not positive and that there is no trace of the virus a whole new world has opened up to me. Everything I feared in the last 8 years of my life has fallen away and so many opportunities has presented themselves to me and I am taking it with both hands (no I am not running with it) I am carrying it very carefully and nurturing it to see what is going to come from it.
Thus far, I have decided to do two tattoos before my 40th birthday which by the way is 3 months away, whereafter the next step has reared its head out of the blue. I am starting my own business and are super excited to do this. With the support of my lovely wife and family I look forward what this challenge is going to bring.
So you are asking yourself what do I mean what has this experience taught me? Well let me tell you!! It has taught me the following things:-
1. To be humble;
2. To look forward to each and everyday;
3. To have no regrets;
4. To live life as if today will be my last day on this beautiful planet of ours;
5. To be grateful for my new lease on life;
6. To be more centered with my ownself;
7. To take nothing for granted;
8. To grab hold of every opportunity that comes my way;
9. To tell the people that are in my life how grateful I am that they are in my life;
10. To tell my loved ones everyday that I love them, does not matter what they have or what I might think they have done to me;
11. To be compassionate with those that I know who are HIV+ and does not look forward to each and everyday as their day is just another day to stay alive.
12. To not go back in the past and try and understand why this has happened to me;
13. To forget and forgive those who has made a mistake;
14. To never bear a grudge against anybody;
Yes the list is endless but these are the ones I can think of now.
It is interesting because I see living my life with new eyes and with a new passion to make a success of my life and to provide for the one that I love with my whole heart.
Honeybun, you mean the world to me and without your love and support the last three years that we have been together I would have never been able to be so positive about our life together. You are my true love and I will love you forever.
To Rick, Brenda and Dr Leslie Pleass, thank you for your constant support and chiropractic care. You all are blessed with talent that no one can describe.
Wednesday 16 March 2011
IS IT A MIRACLE???
Well let me tell you with this I don't know!!! For 8 years I have been living with this over my head and all i can say is stuff it, whether it is a miracle or not I am going to live my life to the fullest from now on and take nothing for granted. I am just to grateful that it is over and i am happy and contend with the results.
Sunday 13 March 2011
Two Weeks
Well it has been two weeks now since i found out that i was actually negative. I went through alot of emotions these two weeks and it has not been easy....i am sitting with relief of being negative and also anger at the stupidity of lab rats as i call them that botched everything up.
In a way i want to come face to face with those who gave me the results and then be like Dexter...but instead of chopping them up i want to use the same method to make their lifes a misery. I have been living for 8 years with this supposed virus in me...and live my life in such a hermatic way that it has made me so angry at the moment in realising how much i have lost these 8 years. I have been imprisoned emotionally, physically!!! I do not think it is fair at all.
But lets put it like this i believe in Karma and Karma is a bitch...it will come back and slap you so hard that one will wonder what has hit one. So if Karma is anything like what i imagine it can be then let it be.
At the moment i am in a mourning process and thanks to EMT i am coping well with the emotions what i am going through.
I guess what i am trying to say is that who ever reads this and has friends and/or family who is HIV positive and/or negative, please support them through the process of making peace with what they have to or had to endure. Please don't be like me and keep all the anger inside, speak to someone.
I have 8 years that i have to process and work through and it is going to take a lot of EMT work to get through this.
Love and light to everybody out there who is positive. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Remember you are not the virus it is something in you that can be won and healed.
In a way i want to come face to face with those who gave me the results and then be like Dexter...but instead of chopping them up i want to use the same method to make their lifes a misery. I have been living for 8 years with this supposed virus in me...and live my life in such a hermatic way that it has made me so angry at the moment in realising how much i have lost these 8 years. I have been imprisoned emotionally, physically!!! I do not think it is fair at all.
But lets put it like this i believe in Karma and Karma is a bitch...it will come back and slap you so hard that one will wonder what has hit one. So if Karma is anything like what i imagine it can be then let it be.
At the moment i am in a mourning process and thanks to EMT i am coping well with the emotions what i am going through.
I guess what i am trying to say is that who ever reads this and has friends and/or family who is HIV positive and/or negative, please support them through the process of making peace with what they have to or had to endure. Please don't be like me and keep all the anger inside, speak to someone.
I have 8 years that i have to process and work through and it is going to take a lot of EMT work to get through this.
Love and light to everybody out there who is positive. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Remember you are not the virus it is something in you that can be won and healed.
Sunday 6 March 2011
Living with HIV
Well this started at the end of 2003 beginning 2004. I was brutally raped. And as any raped victim should do i went through the whole testing story. Well i was then told that I am HIV+. As you can imagine it was a shock to me and to my family. Needless to say i have been living with this over my head for the last 8 years. I met my wife Tanya in 2008 and in and during 2009 through 2010 i was under regular chiropractic care. My CD4 count has stablised since 2004 and was 1435 during 2009, so during 2010 i tested my CD4 count again and it was still 1435. A month ago i did another test and it was still high at 1429 so my GP told me that i should get a test done for HIV, which i then did.
Well 2 weeks ago my doctor called me to come and see him at his rooms. So what would you do when your doctor calls you and tell you to please come and see him at his rooms. I made an appointment immediately to go and see him and as i sit there and wait for the doctor my mind was working overtime. Well the doctor came in and he asked me when and who diagnosed me to be HIV+, so i told him. Then my doctor told me the very good news....I AM NOT HIV+ AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF THE VIRUS IN MY BODY OR BLOOD.
The relief was tremendous. The emotions i felt was relief and anger at the same time. I kept on thinking how it is possible that this could have happened. I guess what i want to say is whoever reads this is to go for the test regularly and make sure that your tests is yours. Don't make the same mistake i did because this is a very heavy burden to bear and it changes alot. One's view of life changes.
The other thing i want to encourage people to do who lives with HIV is to live life to the fullest. Don't let the virus become you, don't feed the virus with your fears. My dear wife Tanya told me and encouraged me through this by saying this "HIV is what you have it is not who you are".
Today i am thankful that she said those words to me because today i am living without HIV because I am negative.
Well 2 weeks ago my doctor called me to come and see him at his rooms. So what would you do when your doctor calls you and tell you to please come and see him at his rooms. I made an appointment immediately to go and see him and as i sit there and wait for the doctor my mind was working overtime. Well the doctor came in and he asked me when and who diagnosed me to be HIV+, so i told him. Then my doctor told me the very good news....I AM NOT HIV+ AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF THE VIRUS IN MY BODY OR BLOOD.
The relief was tremendous. The emotions i felt was relief and anger at the same time. I kept on thinking how it is possible that this could have happened. I guess what i want to say is whoever reads this is to go for the test regularly and make sure that your tests is yours. Don't make the same mistake i did because this is a very heavy burden to bear and it changes alot. One's view of life changes.
The other thing i want to encourage people to do who lives with HIV is to live life to the fullest. Don't let the virus become you, don't feed the virus with your fears. My dear wife Tanya told me and encouraged me through this by saying this "HIV is what you have it is not who you are".
Today i am thankful that she said those words to me because today i am living without HIV because I am negative.
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