Wednesday 16 March 2011
IS IT A MIRACLE???
Well let me tell you with this I don't know!!! For 8 years I have been living with this over my head and all i can say is stuff it, whether it is a miracle or not I am going to live my life to the fullest from now on and take nothing for granted. I am just to grateful that it is over and i am happy and contend with the results.
Sunday 13 March 2011
Two Weeks
Well it has been two weeks now since i found out that i was actually negative. I went through alot of emotions these two weeks and it has not been easy....i am sitting with relief of being negative and also anger at the stupidity of lab rats as i call them that botched everything up.
In a way i want to come face to face with those who gave me the results and then be like Dexter...but instead of chopping them up i want to use the same method to make their lifes a misery. I have been living for 8 years with this supposed virus in me...and live my life in such a hermatic way that it has made me so angry at the moment in realising how much i have lost these 8 years. I have been imprisoned emotionally, physically!!! I do not think it is fair at all.
But lets put it like this i believe in Karma and Karma is a bitch...it will come back and slap you so hard that one will wonder what has hit one. So if Karma is anything like what i imagine it can be then let it be.
At the moment i am in a mourning process and thanks to EMT i am coping well with the emotions what i am going through.
I guess what i am trying to say is that who ever reads this and has friends and/or family who is HIV positive and/or negative, please support them through the process of making peace with what they have to or had to endure. Please don't be like me and keep all the anger inside, speak to someone.
I have 8 years that i have to process and work through and it is going to take a lot of EMT work to get through this.
Love and light to everybody out there who is positive. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Remember you are not the virus it is something in you that can be won and healed.
In a way i want to come face to face with those who gave me the results and then be like Dexter...but instead of chopping them up i want to use the same method to make their lifes a misery. I have been living for 8 years with this supposed virus in me...and live my life in such a hermatic way that it has made me so angry at the moment in realising how much i have lost these 8 years. I have been imprisoned emotionally, physically!!! I do not think it is fair at all.
But lets put it like this i believe in Karma and Karma is a bitch...it will come back and slap you so hard that one will wonder what has hit one. So if Karma is anything like what i imagine it can be then let it be.
At the moment i am in a mourning process and thanks to EMT i am coping well with the emotions what i am going through.
I guess what i am trying to say is that who ever reads this and has friends and/or family who is HIV positive and/or negative, please support them through the process of making peace with what they have to or had to endure. Please don't be like me and keep all the anger inside, speak to someone.
I have 8 years that i have to process and work through and it is going to take a lot of EMT work to get through this.
Love and light to everybody out there who is positive. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers. Remember you are not the virus it is something in you that can be won and healed.
Sunday 6 March 2011
Living with HIV
Well this started at the end of 2003 beginning 2004. I was brutally raped. And as any raped victim should do i went through the whole testing story. Well i was then told that I am HIV+. As you can imagine it was a shock to me and to my family. Needless to say i have been living with this over my head for the last 8 years. I met my wife Tanya in 2008 and in and during 2009 through 2010 i was under regular chiropractic care. My CD4 count has stablised since 2004 and was 1435 during 2009, so during 2010 i tested my CD4 count again and it was still 1435. A month ago i did another test and it was still high at 1429 so my GP told me that i should get a test done for HIV, which i then did.
Well 2 weeks ago my doctor called me to come and see him at his rooms. So what would you do when your doctor calls you and tell you to please come and see him at his rooms. I made an appointment immediately to go and see him and as i sit there and wait for the doctor my mind was working overtime. Well the doctor came in and he asked me when and who diagnosed me to be HIV+, so i told him. Then my doctor told me the very good news....I AM NOT HIV+ AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF THE VIRUS IN MY BODY OR BLOOD.
The relief was tremendous. The emotions i felt was relief and anger at the same time. I kept on thinking how it is possible that this could have happened. I guess what i want to say is whoever reads this is to go for the test regularly and make sure that your tests is yours. Don't make the same mistake i did because this is a very heavy burden to bear and it changes alot. One's view of life changes.
The other thing i want to encourage people to do who lives with HIV is to live life to the fullest. Don't let the virus become you, don't feed the virus with your fears. My dear wife Tanya told me and encouraged me through this by saying this "HIV is what you have it is not who you are".
Today i am thankful that she said those words to me because today i am living without HIV because I am negative.
Well 2 weeks ago my doctor called me to come and see him at his rooms. So what would you do when your doctor calls you and tell you to please come and see him at his rooms. I made an appointment immediately to go and see him and as i sit there and wait for the doctor my mind was working overtime. Well the doctor came in and he asked me when and who diagnosed me to be HIV+, so i told him. Then my doctor told me the very good news....I AM NOT HIV+ AND THERE IS NO TRACE OF THE VIRUS IN MY BODY OR BLOOD.
The relief was tremendous. The emotions i felt was relief and anger at the same time. I kept on thinking how it is possible that this could have happened. I guess what i want to say is whoever reads this is to go for the test regularly and make sure that your tests is yours. Don't make the same mistake i did because this is a very heavy burden to bear and it changes alot. One's view of life changes.
The other thing i want to encourage people to do who lives with HIV is to live life to the fullest. Don't let the virus become you, don't feed the virus with your fears. My dear wife Tanya told me and encouraged me through this by saying this "HIV is what you have it is not who you are".
Today i am thankful that she said those words to me because today i am living without HIV because I am negative.
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